I recently got a Yogi Tea fortune that said
"When there is Love there is No Question."
Also, I’ve been watching a lot of Millionaire Matchmaker. Patti Stanger, the intimidating matchmaking queen has helped me realize that I must be wooed! Not necessarily in the old fashioned sense, but make it clear you like me, treat me well, be consistent and it’ll work.
These ideas will help me return to the city in a storm, a new woman!
Annik here, I’ve been away for quite a while, but I’m returning (only virtually) to share some thoughts. I’ve been living in a tiny town in the North for the last two months and single life is very unchanging.
Let me explain. I went up here knowing that I was taking a four-month vow of celibacy, and I was alright with it. Relationships run differently here. Hooking up happens, but the rules are a bit different. Everyone knows everyone else and so are likely going to be held accountable for their actions. Also, religion is strong in town, specifically religion that advocates against birth control. The result: a population growth rate that is 3 times the provincial average and a town filled with mothers under the age of 18. By the time women here make it to their early 20s, the prime protected-mating time of a city woman’s life, she is housebound with multiple children and possibly a husband. I’m no homewrecker, and I haven’t had much of a chance to meet any DILFs anyway, so life is very very single.
Surprising for me is that I’m enjoying singelhood more than I was ever able to before. That’s due to various factors, but what I want to focus on here is the headspace of a single city dweller. Now that i’m physically removed from the ‘action,’ this change I described earlier has set in. I realize that I was constantly on the lookout for a hook up or a boyfriend.
Every guy I was introduced to, or spotted on the Metro was a potential sexual partner. Obviously I haven’t got the game to actually make this a reality, but this was my mind state.
"Is he looking at me?"
"Is that his girlfriend?"
"Would I date him?"
I visited home last weekend and realized how actively I was searching for a connection in the city, and how exhausting it is. The unconscious stress of always being ‘on’ and the outright panic at failing to find a soul-mate wears a girl out! Add to that the mind-mess that happened when someone expressed interest in me, and I went wacko trying to understand if we were “just friends” or “more than friends” and in the process I simply made us “not friends”!
So although I am basically in the same single space I was in the city, the feeling is very different. I am not desperate or lonely about it. Neither am I looking for anything. It would be great if I could bring this ZEN back with me. It’s easy to be calm and happy when you have no sources of desire dangling around you and stirring things up.
I think I have what Millionaire Matchmaker Patti calls “shiny ball syndrome”. There are so many sources of distraction and so many hypothetical connections I could make in the city that I feel like I’m cutting myself short by shutting them out. It doesn’t work that way, though. When I go back I just have to be open to new people, but not seek anything out. If I can hold on to this lack of desire in the midst of all that noise I bet a relationship that’s clear and good would emerge.