Alright so here goes the first post. Although my partner in crime doesn’t know I am posting this, I have just danced to every song I have ever loved (ACCEPT the one I requested - ODB “Baby I Got Your Money” - disappointing DJs) and I have had enough drinks to fulfill Chingy’s “Tipsy” criteria (however not mgd drunk… which you might get to know along the course of this blog but is not occurring right now), I feel an urge to type out my feelings.
According to my amazingly accurate horoscope, delivered monthly by Susan Miller (astrologyzone.com) I was not supposed to have a good night tonight. I was supposed to become aware of a finacial situation over the weekend that would result in a fucking shitty beginning to a week. Well Susan, as per usual you were correct. I DID find out about that financial situation and it DID make me sad. However did you predict I would be able to come to a mini conclusion about my sexual choices in life tonight? Something that might change my life forever? Occurring because of some of the greatest dance moves I have ever performed happening out of thin air tonight? Didn’t think so Sue, you did not predict that one.
Well it happened son. I danced my ass off and realized a lot. I realized that I always need to dance more. I miss it being something I did actively every day of my life, I miss it being my complete and entire passion, I miss it being my reason for getting into tights, and I miss it being part of my persona. For ten to twenty years it was one of the biggest parts of my persona and I miss it making me alive. I miss the way it makes me feel like the happiest person on the earth (and yes I tired to find a better adjective but HAPPY is the bet one to describe the way dancing makes me feel). I do it all the time but once in a while I do it the way it’s meant to be and it sets me free.
In fact, tonight it set me so free I needed to blog about it - embarrassing. But I am going to do it anyway. As I was dancing tonight, feeling free and open, for the first time for a while without the help of some guys attention, I felt like myself. I say this as an independent and strong person but also as someone who was hurt severely a while ago and someone who hasn’t gotten over it. Tonight though the power of my friends around me, the music and the idea that I might just be a cougar for the second time time in my life all added up into this great combination of feelings that set me free.
Although I felt a little disappointed at first that HE wasn’t around, that I wasn’t constantly making eyes and playing games on the dance floor with someone, and that I was going to be going home alone that night, I knew that that was the best solution. I knew that that was where I was supposed to be, contimplating about my financial bailout, about the end of university, about the lack of HIM, and about the possibility of whoever. I knew, as I made eyes with the DJ (who was younger and most definitely the object of cougar fantasy - does one year older count?), that I was in the exact place I was supposed to be. I’m not tied down, I’m not completely out of love, I’m twenty-two and I am about to graduate university. For once, that combination felt perfect.
For one moment, as sad as I was that I wasn’t that couple making out on the side of the dance floor, I knew I was exactly in the right spot. I was in a place to hit on the cute DJ cub that I thought was cute, I was also able to know that I could come home, get out my cat, cookies and LOST ( season six episode 3 - don’t ruin it for me) and know that I danced my ass off, had amazing times with my friends and wouldn’t regret anything but this post tomorrow. I didn’t need him. I only needed the possibility and fun of another him, I needed the support of my friends, and I needed to not feel sorry for myself.
And guess what? I didn’t. I didn’t have the most amazing night of my life but I had a good one. I didn’t meet one of the many guys of my dreams. I didn’t change the course of my life in an epic way. But I did have a good time. I did have a good night. So fuck you Susan Miller. As much as I LOVE getting a new horoscope from you every month, as much as it feels like you watch my in my sleep when I read your predictions, tonight I proved that you aren’t the answer to everything. And tonight I let myself be set free, even if only for a brief moment, I let classic hits take over and let me feel free for the first time in a few months. So here’s to a good night, even if Susan said it was going to be bad.
