I was prepping at work last night with Hugo, a guy who’s grown up in Germany and France, and now lives here. He was mumbling about being awkward (which he’s not) and he described a date situation where he felt he’d been weird. The girl involved has since taken her sweet time returning his texts and he’s not sure what’s going on.

I love these conversations, and I offered a few explanations for her behaviour- one of which was that she’s not interested.

“Exactly,” Hugo said “Canadian’s can’t just say it when they don’t like someone!”

“We don’t know how to date Hugo! Canadians don’t go on dates”

At this point Sydney comes into the back to drop some empty bowls and I ask her if Canadians date. She shakes her head no, “Are you kidding me?!” she yells on her way back out.

“Why not? It’s so fun!” Hugo continues.

I don’t really know why, but I think it has something to do with not being able to just express that we’re not interested (or that we’re interested!). A date seems formal, or intense. It’s as if by accepting a date you’re signing a contract that says you might one day be interested in bearing the other person’s children and going to their family’s holiday dinners. A date seems like a test or a performance, rather than a “fun time doing stuff you want to do with that person,” as Hugo described it. 

“So what do you do instead?” Hugo asks me, and all I can think is that we just bumble around trying to avoid dates by hanging out in groups until we get drunk enough to stumble off together.

“And another thing, girls here are afraid of their desire. They don’t know what they want. They don’t know their own mind. They are confused. It’s like, they think they’re a slut if they just want to have sex. If they’re not in love and they just have desire. It’s natural, it’s not slut!”

All I can do is nod, “We’re puritans still!”And even though I’ve thought about this stuff a lot, something clicked when he said that. There is still the general attitude that if you’re going out and just following desire (not even actively searching for it but taking it as it comes) that perhaps you’re being ‘bad’. Especially if desirous situations find you on the regular.

In a sense it’s way more complex here that we’ve buried our desire under ‘hang outs’ ‘hook ups’  and ‘friends with benefits’. I think we’re clouding the issue here. We’re shy to show that passion and intimidated when it’s blatantly showered on us (depending on the situation)…. it’s also a matter of knowing how to express that interest calmly, nonchalantly, and clearly.

Because “it’s fun!” and “It’s natural, it’s not slut!”

So, going to try to be straightforward and not run away from guys I’m attracted to (LOL).

Annik