I’ve been thinking about a recent post. I claimed that people have fear of expressing sexual interest, and I’m experiencing that phenomenon at the moment.

I was talking to my mom the other day about a curious relationship I have. I’m attracted to this guy who obviously enjoys my company and invites me to hang out all the time. I just don’t know if he’s interested, or simply a really good friend.

Always positive, my mom clucks “Well you know, you’re so lucky you can be friends with men.” Well yeah, of course I can, it’s actually my downfall. I’m one of those people who gets the “I thought we were just friends” shpiel on the regular. I’ve had a million boy friends, but I’ve never had a Boyfriend.

Maybe part of this increasing is-he-into-me? confusion has to do with the fact that signs of sexual interest have now been muddled with signs of friendship. Inviting someone to grab a coffee, go dancing, or attend a concert is no longer a clear indication that you want to take them home. At its most basic, it only means that you want to be their friend.

I spent two hours at a hookah bar with this guy last night. It was the best date I’ve ever been on, except that I’m not sure it was actually a date.

I’m leaving the city soon and don’t want to alienate myself from this guy by telling him I’m interested and freaking him out. So even though I would have liked to have held his hand or kissed him goodbye I only brushed his arm every now and then and gave him a long hug before hopping onto my bike and riding home.

I even tried (maybe too subtly) inviting myself up to his place on the walk home.

“Which one is your apartment?” I asked.

“Oh that one,” He said waving in the direction of a few buildings, “but I’ll walk you to your bike.” 

We decided to hang out again tonight (the last night before I leave) and I don’t know how to breach the friend/lover gap. I guess I just have to be ballsy and either straight up kiss him, or ask him, “What are your intentions with me young man!?” These options are alternately too risky or too rehearsed for my taste, but one of them has to do because I’m missing a quick and easy way to understand the meanings of these asking-outs. I have to find other ways of plainly stating my interest.

I will try to clarify this confusing, yet highly delicious relationship tonight. I’ll let you know what happens. I’ve go to be brave is all….

**OK, looking this over a week later I’m still not sure if he was just shy or if he asks all of his single girl friends out to hookah bars. There were unmistakable signs of wanting to be ‘just friends’ though…asking for separate plasic filters when we were smoking (claiming germs…), and ignoring my weak attempt to get into his apartment… Who knows!!

Annik